the condom got lost in my hair
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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