Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
