I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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