Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Green mimosas i think yes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
