Cold hands, warm shart.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
