i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
