Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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