Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Your cock deserves a montage
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
