I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
