It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
