it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
