She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
