this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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