I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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