That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Panties = found
Randomize