Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you would pick up someone in the library
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
