Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
