My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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