walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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