HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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