Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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