What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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