I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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