so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
