I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize