think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
