we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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