I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
