I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
