I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
