i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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