My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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