I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
