when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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