i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
