I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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