I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
