You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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