so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
