I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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