I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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