so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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