the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
