it was like eating out sand paper
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
