i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
