I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
