i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
