I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
