i permit you to call me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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