I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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