we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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