Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize