if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i've created a new STD.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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