I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
