before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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