Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
