Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
