I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
