Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
50% drunk capacity currently
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
