bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
