just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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