So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
