There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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