Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
