how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
whose parrot is this?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
