We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
