There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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