Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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