I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize