found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
