I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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