I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
