So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I touched a dick in church today
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize