so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
