me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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