They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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