oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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