Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
