Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The air was thick with penises
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
