i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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