one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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