Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
