I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
