I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
