haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
