I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
