I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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