we have officially lost it.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
