I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
