She is in my trunk
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
