we have pet lesbian snakes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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