Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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