apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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