oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
