do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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