Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
