also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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