she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
