Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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