Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
