Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
