I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
