so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
