You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
