Are we in a gay sports bar?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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