im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
