arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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