either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
