I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
