So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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