you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize