God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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