I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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